Great marriages are made, they never just happen. There are Three Keys to making a great marriage. Here’s the first Key.
For ease and clarity, I am using the word marriage to refer to any long-term committed relationship between two people, whether it’s legal or not.
The First Key is that we must have a strong relationship with ourselves.
We must “own” who we are. If we don’t, then we can’t give ourselves to another person. Which is what marriage is really all about, at some level.
If we don’t understand the forces at play within our psychology, then they will control our lives. And burden our marriage.
If we and our partner have a good deal of self-knowledge, then the lights will be turned on in our relationship. Otherwise we’ll be stumbling around in the darkness.
And it’s only a matter of time before we start banging into each other. And feel anger and despair, as a result.
Most relationships start out great, but then run into trouble, predictable trouble. Two people start out wanting to sit in the same seat, as close as possible.
They can’t stop thinking about each other. But, too often, these same two people wind up having trouble sitting in the same room. Because of the pain and confusion between them.
This pain and confusion shows up as conflict and dissatisfaction.
We can feel wounded in our marriage in ways that seem strangely familiar. That’s because a marriage is a 24/7 obligatory relationship. And so, it evokes issues and problems from our original 24/7 relationship—our family of origin.
If we are unaware of these issues and problems, our marriage will fail, one way or another. Including becoming a parking lot for a life of quiet, and not so quiet, desperation.